Knickers! (Oooh, Matron...)

Right then. Tell me truthfully, just what is the problem that so many women seem to have with underwear? We all wear it, don't we? (I'll absolve anybody recovering from a hip operation from answering that.) So why, oh why, does it seem to be such a taboo subject for so many women? From my usual position, lurking behind the counter at The March Hare, I hear so many variations of the same theme which give me the distinct impression that a depressingly large number of women consider 'lingerie' to be something that is either shockingly risqué or sadly unnecessary because they are (delete as applicable) single/married/above that sort of thing.

Well, how terribly sad. Surely, decent underwear is one of life's necessities, isn't it? It's quite plain to see that good quality, well-fitting underwear does far more to enhance a girl's figure than skipping breakfast for a week and the effect that nice underwear has on the wearer's morale should never be underestimated. So why do so many women fail to consider it at all when they shop? I often wonder where these terrified women actually purchase their underwear. Maybe they buy it from a catalogue, shopping by torchlight from underneath the safety blanket of their duvet?  In which case, I strongly suspect they also try it on in the dark because judging from some of the horrors I've seen in the changing room at the shop, I can't believe they would ever have bought it had they seen it on, never mind the effect it gives when they put their clothes on the top. (Before you part with money for a bra, always, always put your top back on to see the effect. You may well be surprised. Oh, and while I'm dishing out the advice, always buy underwear for yourself. If it pleases you, it's all the more likely to please somebody else as well. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, ditto.)

One of the less appealing parts of having a shop that stocks a certain amount of underwear, is the profusion of lingerie catalogues that find their way, unrequested, through the door in the hope that I will purchase some of their ranges for the delectation of my customers. Some are absolutely lovely, very classy and tempting. Others are just plain trash designed for the type of woman who takes the phrase 'hooker chic' and runs with it. The underwear stocked in my shop is what is known as 'faux vintage'. This means that it is brand new (second-hand knickers are just plain wrong!) but expressly designed along retro lines, making perfect for people who like old-fashioned stuff. And when I say 'old-fashioned', what I mean is the kind of underwear and shapewear that was designed back in the mid-20^th century to mould and shape a woman's body to show it off to its best advantage. Back then, it wasn't about incorporating large (and draughty) gaps in order to leave nothing to the imagination. Or encasing the body in beige elastane that makes it appear more like an uncooked sausage than something curvy and appealing. No, back then it was all about looking good and feeling better. None of the stuff I stock would even raise an eyebrow on my granny so why does it create such a stir amongst modern women? And late-teens to early twenties women are the worst for finding it too embarrassing for words. They even scream if their boyfriends try to suggest they might like to step inside the shop. And this is despite them wearing 'outer' garments that leave very little to the imagination at all. Nope, beats me.

As an old neighbour of mine used to say, “If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.” Well, if it's all the same to you, I think I'll pass. I'm sticking with my beautifully designed underwear and enjoying it all the more as I observe so many of my peers with busts that dangle around their waistlines. Of course, I am assuming they stop at the waistlines. It's almost impossible to tell whether they have waists or not...

I Don't Feel Dressed Without. . . Lipstick!

And yes, it's usually red. Bright red. I do vary the shade of red dependant upon my outfit of choice but it's mostly bright.

Many people say, “Oh, I can't wear red,” but in actual fact what they mean is they haven't found the right shade of red. There are tricks to wearing red, the first being take your skin tone into account. If you have skin with a pink undertone, then pick a red with a blue base. If you have skin with a yellow undertone, then a red with an orange base is for you. Well, in theory, anyway, but more of that later.

Also, don't skimp on your preparation. If you're going to wear a colour that is designed to show up, make sure your canvas is primed properly before applying it. Obviously you should exfoliate your lips regularly and keep them in good condition with regular applications of decent lipstick and lip balm/salve. But above all, before you apply your precious lip colour, first give it base on which to adhere by using your usual base/foundation/powder over your lip area and then use a lip liner to both draw a clean outline of the shape you want your lips to have (this is where you get to create a myriad different looks and hide anything you don't like) and fill in the shape with a base colour. The liner and base help your lipstick to set in for the day and should not be underestimated. (A small tip: unless you are intending to create a 1980s vintage look, make sure your lip liner colour isn't dramatically darker than your lipstick colour. Think Jackie Collins and 'Hollywood Wives'. 'Nuff said.)
 

tthe little problem of bleeding/feathering. This is always worse with reds (and dark colours in general). Part of the problem is the fact that a colour which shows up more, will also show up more imperfections (hence the importance of a good base) and the fact that reds have the smallest particles of pigment mean that they are prone to all manner of tricky little behaviours, such as feathering into crease-lines and fading in bright sunlight. (Just look at any red sports car over a couple of years old and you'll see what I mean! ) Whilst your red lipstick isn't going to fade from sunlight in a matter of hours, it may well attempt to migrate to the area around your lips if you haven't done your preparation properly so don't skip it. And the next time you are tempted to either light up a cigarette (ick!) or look disapproving with your mouth screwed up into the 'cat's bum' position, give yourself a mental slap and don't do it! Pursing your lips for a bit of kissing is fine, but neither doing it in order to drag on a fag nor assume a mean expression are the least bit attractive so stop yourself before you start.

And now for the trick of the trade. I may not sell it, but by heck I swear by its use. Yves St Laurent Touche Eclat. Brilliant as a highlighter/dark circle disguiser/magical mitigator of fine lines, it also has another, in my opinion, far more important role; when used around your lips, not only does it highlight a perfect pout, it also helps stop lip colours from feathering! How cool is that?

Of course, you can always use a lipstick that barely feathers at all, if you can find one that is. Besame Classic Lipsticks from California are my brand of choice. Not only are there plenty of fabulous shades of red from which to choose, with co-ordinating liners, but they stay put beautifully, even without the precaution of Touche Eclat. (I know this because I have run out of Touche Eclat but can still wear my beloved reds with no worries!)

And now, remember the bit about the skintones? Well, here's where it gets complicated. In theory, somebody like me, who has skin paler than a ghost on a winter's night, should stick to a blue-toned shade, like Besame Red. And it's true, Besame Red looks rather good on yours truly. But then so does Red Hot Red (which is a replica of Marilyn Monroe's favourite colour) and that is a seriously bright, true-to-type, orange-based red. Who'd a thunk it?

My advice? Try 'em all till you find your favourites. And as the Besame range are all scented with vanilla, you can dream about cake whilst trying. What's not to like?

The Besame range is available from The March Hare.

Summertime and the dressing is easy...

Let's face it, the arrival of balmy summer days makes life seem so much easier and not least for the reason that it simplifies dressing by virtue of that fabulous, life-affirming wardrobe staple, the summer dress. What do you mean, you don't have/wear/like dresses? Have you taken leave of your senses? The purchase of a delicious, summery, flattering frock is one of life's great pleasures! And then there's the wonder of wearing it. No need to get all het up over whether 'that top goes with that skirt' or the worry of 'are trousers acceptable' in certain situations; just get up, fling on a frock and you're ready for whatever the day throws at you, from morning through to night. Just how easy can it be?

It never ceases to amaze me how many people equate wearing a dress with attending a wedding or party. Well, yes, obviously those are good excuses to trot out a real show-stopper of a frock but what's wrong with wearing one every day? A good frock will take you from walking the dog, through doing the shopping, lunching with a friend, a day at the office (I'm shuddering as I type that but if that's your bag...), evening drinkies, dinner and beyond. Obviously, I'm a great advocate of dressing for dinner and really going to town when the occasion requires but the ease and comfort of a nice dress cannot be overestimated. You'll get compliments from all sorts of people, with many of them thinking, “How come I never wear dresses?” You'll also probably find that you automatically sashay along with a lot more spring in your step than usual, whether or not your choice of frock encompasses a fantastically full skirt or a minxy wiggle silhouette. A well-cut dress will show off your figure (curves are good) to its maximum potential, without any awkward breaks in colour/pattern at the waist. This is an excellent ploy for the pixies amongst us as it can help give an illusion of height and, frankly, I can do with all the help I can get in that department!

Good frocks come in all shapes and sizes, cuts and colours. From the totally Audrey Hepburn look of Glamour Bunny, through the timeless retro style of Emmy's wiggle dresses to the glorious fabrics and styles of the dresses from Limb Clothing. And talking of which, guess should be arriving in store at The March Hare today? Yep, you guessed it; another delivery of gorgeous summery frocks. I get first choice...!

The Problem with Gratuitous Sportswear...

Anybody who knows me personally (or follows the blog of the Shop Security Department The Life and Times of a Delinquent Deerhound) will already know my feelings on this subject...

Sportswear, worn when not actively pursuing a sporting activity, is lazy, repellent and, frankly, just morally wrong. I mean, why would you...? Most sportswear, whilst arguably being fit for the purpose of the sporting activity for which is was designed, is made from nasty fabrics, badly cut, unflattering and just plain ugly.

“Oh, but it's comfortable and so easy to wear!” go the cries of the wearers. Maybe it is, and that's fine when you're doing something sporting that requires it. But wearing it when you're out in public doing anything other than sport suggests that you are lazy, feckless and unimaginative. Not to mention ghastly to look at.

“But it's perfect for lounging about it!” some people have tried tell me. Really? Are you sure about that? Can you picture Greta Garbo or Sophia Loren reclining on a chaise longue wearing 'jogging bottoms'? No? Neither can I. It just doesn't compute. And if you think Helen of Troy would have launched any ships at all whilst dressed in a hoody and leggings, you have another think coming. She'd maybe have been asked to scrape the barnacles off the bottom of a few but launch them? Er, no. None of those glamorous icons held any truck with looking anything less than their best at any time. The idea of wandering around in slippers and running wear would have left them reaching for their smelling salts. And quite rightly, when there are plenty of glamorous options in which to lounge. Take a look at the Hollywood range from What Katie Did, for example. Glamorous, comfortable and absolutely perfect for lounging and/or sleeping in. And should need to answer the door, well you will impress rather than scare the postman, which has to be a good thing.  Happily, it's available from The March Hare.

As for elasticated waists, well don't even go there. That's the beginning of the end as far as waistlines are concerned. The minute you utter the reprehensible mantra, “Oh, but they're so comfy,” you are on a slippery slope to becoming a sofa-dwelling whale, fit to do little but watch Jeremy Kyle and fill your face with doughnuts. And that's not an attractive prospect, is it?

Now I'll grant you that part of the ethos behind The March Hare is that we cater for curves. Absolutely. We love curves. Curves are good. Whether you have them naturally or need a little help to harness them, we'll find 'em and show 'em off to perfection. We're all about accentuating that hourglass figure not hiding it under a shapeless abomination, designed to cover something unpleasant. We have good underwear, shapewear and proper, steel-boned, well-cut corsetry. We hold no truck with gratuitous sportswear. And neither should you. Unless, as stated before, you're doing something actively sporty, in which case we salute your energy and drive but we'll raise a glass to you from a nice shady terrace, if you don't mind. There'll be a glass waiting for you once you've showered and changed into something more suitable.  Don't be long...