Knickers! (Oooh, Matron...)

Right then. Tell me truthfully, just what is the problem that so many women seem to have with underwear? We all wear it, don't we? (I'll absolve anybody recovering from a hip operation from answering that.) So why, oh why, does it seem to be such a taboo subject for so many women? From my usual position, lurking behind the counter at The March Hare, I hear so many variations of the same theme which give me the distinct impression that a depressingly large number of women consider 'lingerie' to be something that is either shockingly risqué or sadly unnecessary because they are (delete as applicable) single/married/above that sort of thing.

Well, how terribly sad. Surely, decent underwear is one of life's necessities, isn't it? It's quite plain to see that good quality, well-fitting underwear does far more to enhance a girl's figure than skipping breakfast for a week and the effect that nice underwear has on the wearer's morale should never be underestimated. So why do so many women fail to consider it at all when they shop? I often wonder where these terrified women actually purchase their underwear. Maybe they buy it from a catalogue, shopping by torchlight from underneath the safety blanket of their duvet?  In which case, I strongly suspect they also try it on in the dark because judging from some of the horrors I've seen in the changing room at the shop, I can't believe they would ever have bought it had they seen it on, never mind the effect it gives when they put their clothes on the top. (Before you part with money for a bra, always, always put your top back on to see the effect. You may well be surprised. Oh, and while I'm dishing out the advice, always buy underwear for yourself. If it pleases you, it's all the more likely to please somebody else as well. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, ditto.)

One of the less appealing parts of having a shop that stocks a certain amount of underwear, is the profusion of lingerie catalogues that find their way, unrequested, through the door in the hope that I will purchase some of their ranges for the delectation of my customers. Some are absolutely lovely, very classy and tempting. Others are just plain trash designed for the type of woman who takes the phrase 'hooker chic' and runs with it. The underwear stocked in my shop is what is known as 'faux vintage'. This means that it is brand new (second-hand knickers are just plain wrong!) but expressly designed along retro lines, making perfect for people who like old-fashioned stuff. And when I say 'old-fashioned', what I mean is the kind of underwear and shapewear that was designed back in the mid-20^th century to mould and shape a woman's body to show it off to its best advantage. Back then, it wasn't about incorporating large (and draughty) gaps in order to leave nothing to the imagination. Or encasing the body in beige elastane that makes it appear more like an uncooked sausage than something curvy and appealing. No, back then it was all about looking good and feeling better. None of the stuff I stock would even raise an eyebrow on my granny so why does it create such a stir amongst modern women? And late-teens to early twenties women are the worst for finding it too embarrassing for words. They even scream if their boyfriends try to suggest they might like to step inside the shop. And this is despite them wearing 'outer' garments that leave very little to the imagination at all. Nope, beats me.

As an old neighbour of mine used to say, “If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.” Well, if it's all the same to you, I think I'll pass. I'm sticking with my beautifully designed underwear and enjoying it all the more as I observe so many of my peers with busts that dangle around their waistlines. Of course, I am assuming they stop at the waistlines. It's almost impossible to tell whether they have waists or not...